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Trump and Live Nation strike deal to launch “Trump’s Nation”
SATIRE — THIS IS NOT A REAL NEWS STORY! Everything below is invented for entertainment. No such deal exists, nobody said any of it, and none of it happened.
In what industry insiders are calling either the biggest rebranding exercise in live music history or an idea conceived far too late at night, US President Donald Trump has reportedly reached a completely fictional agreement with Live Nation CEO Michael Rapino to rename the company’s entire venue portfolio “Trump’s Nation”.
Sources close to absolutely nobody say the imaginary proposal began after Trump was informed that Live Nation operates hundreds of venues internationally, and asked why they were called Live Nation when Trump’s Nation was available.
From Live Nation to Trump’s Nation
Under the alleged plans, venues would gradually abandon their existing names. The House of Blues would become the House of Huge Crowds; amphitheatres across the US would carry the slogan “Make Live Music Great Again”.
Lawyers are said to be investigating whether the apostrophe creates problems in international markets. Ticketmaster escaped the first round of rebranding, although dynamic pricing could reportedly be renamed “beautiful pricing”.
Rapino tipped for government role
The industry is meanwhile buzzing with a second entirely fictional rumour: that Rapino could become Trump’s next Secretary of Culture. There is no such cabinet position, which sources say is unlikely to present a major obstacle.
Also rumoured in the imaginary agreement: the Oval Office as a 350-capacity club for developing artists, the South Lawn for major outdoor events, and a permanent festival tentatively titled Trumpchella.
Once more, for anyone who skimmed: this story is satire. Donald Trump, Michael Rapino and Live Nation have not announced any such agreement, venue rebranding or government appointment. Every quote, rumour, event and proposal above is invented for comedic purposes and should not be reported, repeated or forwarded as fact.